Thursday, July 30, 2009

12 Months? Really?

Did 12 months really just come and go? No really, I'm just going to mosy on over the my little blob of a baby and..... ACK! I HAVE A TODDLER!? Who is toddling. With a cute little toddle. Sooooooo, crap, I missed the 11 month celebratory pictures post. Why? Because it was June and I had to go back to work in 2 weeks and D-Dubs and I were having fun every. single. minute. In June we tried the beach, the park, and the splash pad. Every activity was greeted with great enthusiasm... well enthusiasm to touch other kids and their faces. You there!? You are not one of The Tall Ones. Let me reach out and touch your nose! eyes! hair! It's all right here in front of me!

Wow, has it ever got fun in the last couple of months. Dylan is still not yet building rockets or solving differential equations but he is showing signs of logic. That is, until you put your foot in front of the truck, stroller or other wheeled object that he is trying ram into the nearest wall. At that time the most logical thing appears to be wailing. Top of the lungs, end of the world screaming until all there is left to do is collapse into the pool of salty tears he has just created and whine at the injustice of it all. One misplaced foot can cause the loss of 10 precious minutes of life for everyone in a 1 kilometre radius. I know that the people who know us will totally say that we shouldn't be surprised that this energetic, stubborn and loud person came from us. We're not. It's just the fact that now that we are experiencing just a glimpse of what we might have been like all those years ago... well we are wondering how we were allowed to survive. Really.

These days I get a lot of people asking me when we are going to have another. People. Please don't do this. I don't have an answer for you, I'm still making up for over a year of NOT DRINKING. Not to mention all the other things I need to get used to, like thinking about a little person for at least a moment of every minute of every day. I didn't know my heart was going to feel like this, I mean, I already had a lot of love in my life. When we spoke to people and read all the parenting books, nowhere was I informed that everything that makes me me was going to be forever changed. We weren't told that we would watch our son as he slept in his bed and be unable to move, unable to pull away, trying desperately to suck in every moment of his existence. This feeling is beautiful and wonderful but how do you even begin to have enough room in your heart for another? Where does all that emotion go? How can you even contain it without exploding in a great big love splatter? Point is, I'm more than happy at the moment. At this very moment. This minute. We are exactly the family we want to be.

So I went back to work this month. It hasn't been all that awful except for the time I broke out into the Backyardigans theme song while taking notes in a meeting. No, seriously though, I miss him like crazy and I wonder what he's doing all day long. But. When I get home, he gives me a huge smile and waddles his little ET waddle over to me and LETS ME HOLD HIM FOR MORE THAN 13 SECONDS, it's like heaven. I must say that this transition has been made so much easier thanks to Dylan and his wonderful disposition. He beams each morning when he greets either of his Grandmothers, he doesn't bat an eye when I leave and he has stuck to his schedule pretty perfectly. Damn, it makes a Mom feel almost uneeded... until, that smile at the end of the day. He does miss me but he is ok because he feels safe that Mama is going to come back. Next milestone, Mom and Dad are going away for a whole weekend in 2 weeks. If it weren't for a couple of very special people getting married that weekend my heart would already be breaking at the thought of it.


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