Quitter

I'm not running in the Toronto Half. I just stopped running one day and haven't run in a month now. I knew all summer that my heart wasn't in it. I wish I had an injury or some real reason to give up but the truth is I quit because I wasn't motivated anymore. I'm so angry at myself and at the same time it was nice for a while to have less anxiety about when I was going to run, what I was going to eat, what was I neglecting by focusing on running every day. I hate that I feel like this new job was a factor. I haven't worked this hard in over a year. I've added commuting to my days as well as working for a little while most evenings. I hate that running to a back seat to working and yet I've enjoyed the job a lot and I want to do well. I'm very sad that I did this because if I want to do another it's going to be another 16 weeks of training. I'm not even sure I want to do another one, maybe I want to try something else. I haven't admitted this out loud yet, not even to Jay although I'm sure he realizes. It's weird that he hasn't talked to me about it although he was only interested in it as far as being a listener when I wanted to talk about my accomplishments.

I don't like this feeling. Quitters suck.